I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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