I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Congratulations! We have a period
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