I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
