I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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