My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
