Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
