Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm having to shit out rocks
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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