Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
