let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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