**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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