I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My vagina is officially offended.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
