By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
