So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
