Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
soo... how was my night?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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