Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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