I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
it was like eating out sand paper
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Still dying that you shit outside
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
