What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
