I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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