Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
