Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
