I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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