After last night, I could never be a politician.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She told me I should be a condom model.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
