Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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