Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
