So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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