You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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