it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
