I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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