Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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