he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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