you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
