I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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