i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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