the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up under a house in Key West
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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