like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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