I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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