so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
