My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
