I think my fart just growled at me.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
