my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
