Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
