omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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