Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
