I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
