If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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