I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize