You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
