In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
