i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
