please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
