NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken