I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!