So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
