This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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