so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
