i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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