The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
