I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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