I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
