all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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