The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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