dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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