So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
