watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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