Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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