and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
