So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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