So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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