i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
