You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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