ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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