you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't deserve a penis
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
