Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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