you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
