wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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