if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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