my mouth tastes like poor choices
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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