and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
